(loud and intense lovemaking) roommates: grab her! i'm going to pull your hair! it's my turn! i called it! bitch! whoa. roommate: fuck you, kate!
sex education uk news, you're going to bounce up and down like this. yoga instructor: can you feel that? you feel the pressure? the air almost shooting through your vagina? yo. bill. you got my magazines?
stormy's mom: you're not even dressed. now i have to drive you to school. mom. dean... ... what are you thinking? i'm thinking... ... now what? dean: i panicked. it was a dumb thing to say. i know.
i don't even know what it means. well... here's what it means. it means that she is never going to call you again, player. i'm not a player. i'm not. so this isn't the third girl that you banged... ... who you hardly even knew? so what? well, that's three girls that you dicked!
three girls make... dean: milo, that's like the worst thing you can call a guy. you remember her name, right? of course i know her name. it's ellen. you're an asshole. isn't... isn't it? no! who's a player? he is.
hi, player. really? lolly: i'm pretty stoked about this class. sex ed in college? you know, i don't know what i'm more excited about... ... the numerous opportunities for hilarious awkwardness or the easy a. tell me you're here for the awkwardness. home economics was full. they have home economics?
kate: is it me or do freshmen get better looking every year? i'm a freshman. and thank you. not you. wonderful. and the awkwardness begins. that's pretty. good morning, class. this is "your body and you." trevase: or "the philosophy of the body." or whatever innocuous title the advisers gave it. i don't know.
let's just call it what it is, shall we? this is... "sex... "...ed." trevase: a cake course. an easy a. why? because you're all having sex in one way or the other. i mean, after all, that's what you're supposed to be doing. trevase: and if you haven't reached the maturity level of actually doing the nasty then... ... hopefully you're on your way. in any case...
... your level of advancement... ... is of no consequence... ... because i'm starting you all off with fs. trevase: the truth is not one of you... ... here in this classroom knows what you're doing. none. nada. nyet. that's the first lesson. the second lesson... is this. rex, would you mind?
trevase: this year i'm doing things a bit differently... trevase: i'm throwing out the textbook... trevase: if any of you bought the book you've wasted your money. why aren't we using the book? because... ... quite frankly... it's shit. trevase: this year... you're going to teach me. i want to know what you know. i want to... feel what it's like... to be you...
... in your time... in your bodies... trevase: i want to see what you see through your own eyes. but in order for you to do that for me... ... first you have to learn to see yourselves. um... what is... what is this? water-soaked soil. body without spirit. trevase: clay for the rest of you. now i want you to pair up...
... by the time i count to ten. one... trevase: ... two... trevase: ... three... trevase: .... four... trevase: .... five... trevase: .... six... trevase: ... seven... eight, nine, ten.
everybody have a partner? all right. this class meets twice a week. today is tuesday. by next class, which is thursday... ... i want you all to come back... ... with sculptures of each other's genitals. you may describe it to each other. you may draw it for each other. you can... ... show it to each other. you know, play doctor like you used to.
i don't care! boys, it has to be the actual size. trevase: and girls, i don't want a vagina... ... represented by a tulip or a snowflake. this is not the vagina monologues and i hate georgia o'keefe. yes? is this a joke? of course not. you people shape your entire lives around this section of your body...
... so why not introduce it to the world? i think it's sick. i think it sounds cool. al: what if we don't do it? what if we refuse? you can't make us do this. this is my class. trevase: if anybody has a problem with this... ... you can get the hell out now. any other questions?
uh.... why? would you prefer i ran a sixteen-millimeter film... ... of reproduction for you? trevase: or would you rather just cut right through the bullshit... ... and get to the real thing? i mean the part that involves fucking. trevase: real, dirty, messy,... ... complicated, confusing fucking. you are deranged.
i am. but it's okay because i have tenure. anyway... ... if any of you at all have any other complaints... ... the administration office is right down the hall. or you can write to the board of trustees... and there's also rex over here if you have any questions. goodbye and good luck. like i said, easy a!
all right, would you say it looks more like gonzo's nose... ... or a turtle head poking out of its shell? milo! girth. is it like baby carrots or do you need two hands to pee? i'm average. if you're going to do me, just do me like that. what's average? you know... six.
okay. if you say so. what are you? not six. flaccid? we're supposed to do flaccid? i'm not sculpting a full hard-on! why not? i'm not doing it. have some pity, man. i'm the one holding the short end of the stick.
your short stick. it's not... i'm not... (milo speaks gibberish) look, this class was supposed to fulfill my science requirement. it was either this or biology and i suck at biology... ... so now my gpa is riding on my penis. how are we going to settle this? sculpt your own and we trade 'em. deal.
(phone ringing) al: excuse me one second, guys. i have to take this. hello? lolly: al? this is lolly. do you want to do the whole drawing thing because personally i can't draw so i prefer if we exchange pictures... i don't - i don't have a camera so... yeah me neither actually. so i guess we'll have to do the whole doctor thing. look, um... right now is not a good time for me and the rest of my day is totally swamped. lolly: well look, she gave us the clay...
... and assigned us the homework and i always do my homework. you want to meet around four-ish? look. i gotta go. mimosa hall. lounge. around four. i'll see you then. bring your penis! hi. i'm in your sex ed class. yeah. i know. i'm billy. billy henry.
stormy. and yes, that is my real name. and no , my parents aren't hippies... ... and no, they didn't get it from watching porn. they're armenian. here's my address. you can come over for dinner if you want... ... or not. yeah, then i guess we could... or you can whip it out right now.
i'm late for a class. i gotta... bye, billy-two-first-names. kate: is this you? you're a model? yep. for a time my job was my body. that's quite the provocative ad for bubble gum. oh no, this is flavored condoms. see? sarah ann: in my younger days i never turned anything down. i knew that i had to make as much money ... ... as i possibly could before i got too old...
... and reached the cut-off age. like when you reached... thirty? thirty? it's over now. don't touch that. that's why i'm learning japanese. you're kidding. in japan they love big american girls. you know this. sarah ann: and if you go over there and play it right...
... you can be one of those game show girls. sarah ann: you never know unless you try. it's like you guys say... "unmei no megami wa yuusha ni mikata suru." "fortune favors the brave." was i close? i'm not japanese. no japanese? anywhere?
(turns laptop on) what is going on in the world? computer: you got mail. dean: angelpoet286. eileen's voice: i'm sorry but things happened so quickly. .. eileen's voice: ... wouldn't mind doing it again... eileen's voice: ... here are some pics to wet your appetite. computer: you got pictures... you got pictures... you got pictures... oh... my... god...
so how are we going to do this? i have no intention of showing you my twat. me neither. so what do you propose? vodka... ... and hand mirrors. each looks at her own and describes to the other what they see. okay. and what's the vodka for? what's the long name?
coca cola. we win. he won! that's good. mom? mom, we're going to go do some homework. upstairs. thanks for the tea. (armenian game show music plays) sarah ann: oh my god.
what? what is it? oh my god. kate: what? what do you see? sarah ann: that's the thing. i don't see anything! there's... there's nothing exposed. everything's inside. you know, like there's nothing hanging out.
sarah ann: it's amazing. i missed out on so many bikini shoots, let me tell you. god, it's just like it's so smooth! sarah ann: you know what it is? it's perfect. how's yours? same. stormy's mom: stormy... ... what are you doing?
stormy: oh, nothing mom... ... we're just doing homework. stormy's mom: do you want some sandwiches? i made some sandwiches. no! no, we don't want sandwiches. it's getting late. i'm going to leave them here. i'm not coming up here again. you get hungry, there they are. stormy: thank you.
are you almost done? i think so. (dog barks) hey, buddy. hey, buddy. what are you doing? milo: you want to see what's inside? milo: hey! hey! get outta that! (dog growling) hey! hey, hey, hey! hey, that's my cock! oh, come on! what the hell!
come back here! hey! goddammit! son of a bitch! how's your cock? you're from class, right? no, just a random chick with a juice box asking about your wang. it's not going too well actually. how's your...? vagina?
not so good. i think we've been stood up. cheers to us! (glasses clink) ohhhhh.... ..... ohhhhh!.... ... who's my little baby...? yes, who's my little perfect baby? who's a perfect vagina - ? do you know what a hooded clit is?
a hooded what? it's really not that uncommon. but then what would you know about common? it's where the so-called "normal" membrane... ... right... here... stop it... what are you doing... ... here... extends down... ... further... than it should... ... like this.
that is disgusting! my vagina does not look like that! but mine does! twat nazi! suppose there's this guy... a "friend" of yours? yeah, yeah... a friend... ... and he sleeps with a girl on a first date... he hooks up? right. wait. i thought "hook up" was a bj.
wait. what year are you? sophomore. oh. that explains it. it's sexual intercourse now. oh. go on. so... she sends him this email saying she's seeing someone else... ... totally unbeknownst to the guy... ... but she's not against.. you know, "hooking up" again...
... and to seal the deal she sends him these pics... ... of a... of her... tits? yeah. some were. most were... um... the pink? yes. she's a player. your friend boned a player. yes! thank you!
she's the player! thank you for that. it's fantastic news. thank you. it doesn't mean you're not a player for banging her. i mean, she used you... ... but it doesn't make you better than her... ... i meant... "the friend." stormy: i'd never seen one before... ... not in person.... and not in my bedroom. billy: i'd done nude figure drawing...
... but from a distance... i'd never done sculpture and i wanted to get it right. i'm not saying it was a letdown... ... it wasn't. it's an odd thing... the vagina... ... it's... it's so small... billy: ... like a quarter... blink and you miss it. it's a strange feeling of accomplishment. but at the same time it's like...
... what's the fuss? what's the fuss? that was the purpose of the assignment wasn't it? you can take a seat now. since the rest of the class decided not to do the assignment... ... you are the new adam and eve of our class. congratulations. does that make you god? seriously? kate: because you certainly act like it...
... forcing us to do this bullshit assignment. you have your own free will, darling. some things are meant to be private. kate: when we expose our differences it's just another reason to be judged. because not all of us are born the same. some of us are born normal... ... and some of us are born out of the sports illustrated swimsuit catalogue.... ... which is a pretty big advantage if you ask me. oh, fuck you!
sarah ann: you know, you love being different because it gives you something to complain about. oh, but would i trade it for perfection in two seconds? gee, let me think. i never said i was perfect. "oh... look at my perfect vagina!" kate: "it's sooooo perfect..." "gee, i sure am glad i'm not one of those unfortunate people with an imperfect vagina!" at least yours works! try getting pelvic inflammatory disease at twelve...
sarah ann: ... having a scarred uterus that will probably... ... never do its job. try constantly worrying about that next infection... .. .the one that could possibly kill you. you can imagine how popular i am on the weekends with my "perfect" vagina. oh, now who's complaining? still you! grieving about your fucking cloaked clit! hooded, you ignorant cow! (book slamming to floor)
does anybody else agree with kate? that this assignment was bullshit? all right, al. first hand up. tell me, why was it bullshit? well, because we're more than our bodies. if you focus on the physical and only the physical... ... then you ignore our humanity. al: i define my body. my body doesn't define me. al: i rule it. i control it.
my urges and desires have absolutely nothing to do with who i am... ... because they don't reflect my behavior. is this guy saying that he doesn't like... whack off? no. al: i don't abuse my body. sex outside the confines of marriage is wrong. period. my heavenly father jesus christ provided me this body for the short term... ... until he decides to call me home into his kingdom.
it's always the good-looking ones. trevase: are you saying that the body is a by-product of the soul? i know it is. that's not the thrust of this class. and you know that. why do you want to be here? because i deserve an education... ... and you told us at the beginning of this course that this course was designed to teach you as well... al: ... so i guess you deserve an education too...
... and... maybe i can contribute to that. by telling me that i'm not my body? i know i'm not. okay, dean, spill your guts. i mean, that's it. i am my body. there's nothing else to spill. it's here. today. it's doing pretty good. tomorrow, who knows? it might not be here anymore. so if people want to use it, then yeah, they should.
dean: it's like my dad when he was... ... he was lying in his bed, dying of alzheimer's... ... in one of his last lucid moments he said to me... ..."never deny a woman who wants to fuck you..." dean: "... no matter what..." "... because if we're dead and that's it..." "... we would kick our own asses for passing up sex." i'm just saying, man, you know, if this is all we got... ... you should use it while you got it.
al: are you talking to just hear yourself talking... ... or do you believe this crap? al: do you not understand that every body has a soul? don't tell me about souls floating into the clouds because... ... i watched my father slowly crack open... dean: ... every piece of him peeling away until he was nothing but an empty shell.. my dad was long gone before he died so don't... ... the soul... the soul disintegrates with the body. all we can do is have our fun...
... you know, make good choices and do our best... ... not to hurt people in the process. rex: professor trevase? professor trevase? yeah... hard to say what the purpose of the assignment was... trevase: it was something that i thought we would arrive at together, the few of us that are left. a dog ate mine. dean: i mean, i can do a report... ... anything to help with my f.
trevase: what f? you passed. trevase: so did everybody else. i didn't do the project... i don't get it. there's more than one way to expose yourselves. (tango music plays) (trevase laughs) trevase: you gotta lighten up.
trevase: i mean, that's what sex is all about. trevase: it's supposed to do that for you. trevase: i'll see you in a couple days. this class is finished. trevase: let me guess. you're here to ask my permission... ... to withdraw from my class because it's obscene. announcer: next week the semester continues. trevase: sex is a matter of life and death. eileen: our safety word will be popcorn.
(whip crack) eileen: say my name and tell me that you love my kitty. dean: i love your kitty... you. eileen: you don't know my name, do you? is that a problem? lolly: i have a very sensitive flower... lolly: and when i wear tight jeans wherever i walk it's like... hello, big o! freakish, right?
(slaps dean on head) trevase: dean? come with me. trevase: i want you to be with me.. ... tonight. okay. going now. just wait. announcer: sex ed. log on to watch unrated webisodes... ... take our weekly sex quiz...
... and pick up your next homework assignment. popcorn! trevase: that was this week's class, next week will... ... i'm going to let you see what's going to happen.